It has been a whirlwind since my last post.
Every night as I settle in to write, I literally fall asleep sitting up. At first, I was saying to myself, “You have to get this done. You’re supposed to do it every day.” So much wrong with that statement. Eventually, I surrendered to it. I released the expectation and gave myself permission to get the rest I needed.
And then came my birthday.
I jumped on the scale that morning, as I usually do, and hit some numbers I haven’t seen in I don’t know when.
India.Arie is one of my favorite artists. I play her in the morning and usually when I’m driving. The very first song that played that morning was “Get It Together.” (See lyrics below.) Yeah. That was some truth hitting me first thing in the a.m. I probably should have known the day was going to be good.
I joined my friend Mara at the Robed in Love event at the Neighborhood Center. I hadn’t been to the event in five years, so it was a real treat to see all that has been accomplished and how beautifully the community continues to support them. I don’t seem to attend many events these days. I’m not sure why, and apparently that’s something I need to unpack. Because every time I do, I see people I love, connect with people I haven’t seen in a while, and leave feeling so happy.
I visited my mom, too. Sometimes I like to wish her a Happy Labor Day on my birthday. I mean… she did do all the work. She and I had a really good chat. I was able to express some of what I’ve been going through lately and also acknowledge her. Good or bad, she made me who I am.
And honestly?
I’m pretty happy with who I am.
I’m obviously a slow learner, because it has taken me more than 60 years to figure some of this stuff out.
Then I met Joy at the Elusive Grape and had a glass of Moscato at 11 a.m. Who does that?! I really don’t drink, so this was clearly a special occasion.
Later, I met with Candace for a bit in Orange City. This young woman amazes me with her strength, her beauty, her humor, and her ability to keep it real.
I sprinkled some thrifting throughout the day and wrapped it all up with a wonderful dinner with my friends Donna and Steve. Steve and I basically dominated the conversation. I swear we must share some of the same DNA. Poor Donna couldn’t get a word in edgewise.
When I got home, I found a beautiful flower arrangement sitting on the counter that Jesse and Amanda sent me. Some kids can’t pick up the phone to wish me happy birthday, and then others make you feel so seen; it melts my heart!
The next morning, my body was raring to go at 3 a.m. Apparently, my internal alarm clock had other plans. I did some organizing, then begged the sleeping gods for mercy.
I had an event in Deltona with the League of Women Voters for a Volusia County Schools candidates forum. It was really interesting, and I realized how much hearing candidates speak can impact me. More than I knew until now.
My buddy Troy helped out at the event, which gave us the perfect opportunity to hang out and catch up. Life has been spinning for both of us, so the time together was good. After a stop at the Sewing Studio to pick up supplies, we headed to Orlando to tap into a very large gift certificate I have for Charlie’s Bakery. We tasted some yummy ice cream, and I sent Troy home with a bunch of cookies.
And Saturday night wasn’t over yet. I met up with my “supper club” friends for what may have been one of the most amazing birthday meals ever — because this one was curated just for me. Don and David cooked ribeyes on the grill, and Cynde took her first stab at crème brûlée. Let me just say… she HIT. IT. OUT. OF. THE. PARK. Good food, good people, and a table where we are never short on deep conversations or laughter. There is something pretty special about being known well enough that people can create a meal just for you — and then sit around the table and fill the evening with stories, questions, ridiculousness, and laughter. I felt very loved.
No sleeping in on Sunday, either.
I scored something on Marketplace, so Michael and I headed to Port Orange to pick it up. Of course, that meant an opportunity to explore thrift stores. Because why not?
The people at the house were high as Georgia pines. I had imagined this lonely old man having challenges communicating through Messenger. Instead, I showed up to a room with a handful of people sitting around, and the smell was so strong it almost knocked me over. I had to laugh. Sometimes life just writes the punchline for you.
We continued our adventure and ended up at the movies to see The Odyssey.
And then I was glad to wrap up the weekend with my baby girl, Sam. We chatted and caught up on everything — meal prepping, work, life, and more. She asked how I was doing with the news from last week. Apprarently is was breaking news for her as well. I felt good being able to share with her. She asks great questions and makes really good observations. Sometimes you just need someone who can listen, ask the right thing, and help you see what you might not be seeing yourself.
And maybe that’s what this whole stretch of days has been about.
For me, I am so proud that I don’t fall apart when I am hurt.
I don’t close off everything and everyone.
I am learning to be still — if only for a moment — to honor my feelings, accept my part, and then listen to what I need to heal and move forward.
A week ago, I started to spin out.
But instead of staying there, I found so much joy around me — and I allowed myself to take the journey.
I’m smiling.
I’m singing.
I’m laughing.
I’m dancing.
Even when no one is watching.
And maybe that’s what getting it together really looks like.
Not having it all figured out.
Not never getting hurt.
Not never spinning.
Just learning how to come back to yourself.
And I think I’m getting pretty damn good at that.
_____
Get It Together | India.Arie
One shot to your heart without breaking your skin
No one has the power to hurt you like your kin
Kept it inside, didn’t tell no one else
Didn’t even wanna admit it to yourself
And now your chest burns and your back aches
From 15 years of holding the pain
And now you only have yourself to blame
If you continue to live this way
Get it together (You wanna heal your body)
Get it together (You have to heal your heart)
Whatsoever you sow you will reap
Get it together
You can fly, fly, fly
Dark future ahead of me, that’s what they said
I’d be starving if I ate all the lies they fed
‘Cause I’ve been redeemed from your aguish and pain
A miracle child, I’m floating on a cloud
‘Cause the words that come from your mouth, you’re the first to hear
Speak words of beauty and you will be there
No matter what anybody says
What matters most is what you think of yourself
Get it together (You wanna heal your body)
Get it together (You have to heal your heart)
Whatsoever you sow you will reap
Get it together
The choice is yours, no matter what it is
To choose life, is to choose to forgive
You don’t, have to try and hurt him, or break his pride
Just shake that weight off, and you’ll be ready to fly
One shot to your heart without breaking your skin
No one has the power to hurt you like your friends
Though it would never change but as time moved on
That ugly duckling grew up to be a swan (Be a swan)
And now your chest burns and your back aches
Because now the years are showing up on your face
But you’ll never be happy and you’ll never be whole
Until you see the beauty in growing old
Get it together (You wanna heal your body)
Get it together (You have to heal your heart)
Whatsoever you sow you will reap
Get it together
Get it together (You wanna heal your body)
Get it together (You have to heal your heart)
Whatsoever you sow you will reap
Get it together
You can fly, fly fly, fly
You can live, or you can die
You know that life is a choice you make
You can give or you can take
You can fly, fly, fly, fly
You can fly, fly, fly, fly
You can fly, fly, fly, fly
You can fly, fly, fly, fly